Does Divorce = Failure?

Does Divorce = Failure?

Salaams folks,

I know, I know...why are we talking about the D-word if we are trying to get married?

I wanted to take a moment and reframe divorce. Is divorce really what we should avoid? How bad is divorce?

We know as Muslims that divorce is allowed in Islam, yet it is the most hated by Allah.

So from an Islamic perspective we try to avoid divorce.

Brothers, especially (and rightfully so), also have a fear of divorce because to them it means a loss of a connection to their kids, alimony fees and child support fees if the court rules in favor of the wife.

But even if, is divorce what we should be avoiding?

I am going to challenge you. No.

But why? You may ask.

Because that isn't the purpose of life.

The purpose of life is to worship Allah (subhana wa taala) and to do good deeds while we are on this earth.

What does this look like when we are talking about marriage and divorce?

1. That we keep the worship of Allah (subhana wa taala) as the primary focus of our lives. This is our ultimate purpose.

2. To do good deeds. That includes treating people with dignity and respect. That includes doing what is right when it is hard. That includes being kind and courteous to your spouse . . . even if it is not reciprocated.

Let me elaborate on that last point.

Our goal should be to do good deeds, even if it isn't reciprocated. And if it becomes unbearable because this was a bad match to begin with, getting a divorce so that you DO NOT transgress and oppress the other person, is allowed.

Imagine if Muslims started to set the bar in their relationship to: "We don't want to have screaming matches. So if I feel like I can't be heard, unless I disrespect my spouse and yell, then we need to seek counseling immediately."

I know, a very hard standard to reach. Where "before we even resort to yelling, we will seek counseling."

But imagine how many marriages could have possibly been saved had they didn't seek each other, but sought to not ever fall into the trap of disrespecting each other, because that would be displeasing to Allah and that is not our goal.

What are your thoughts on this blog post? I would love to hear from you.