You Think You Need to Work on Your Looks? - Think Again

I was speaking with a potential client recently and after meeting with them, my brain goes into super analysis mode, and I get hit with all of these thoughts.

This particular brother was wondering why he couldn’t get the attention of the right sisters on the apps even though (in his words) he is good looking. Was it his pictures, was it his bio, was it because he wasn’t a doctor?

As a marriage coach, of course I will say, those things may be the reason…but also, it hit me, it may not.

Why?

You can have the best pictures ever.

You can be the best-looking guy in your friend group.

And you can even be the doctor.

And you can still struggle with getting a sister's attention.

Why?

Because Allah (swt) is the one that is in control.

Because it is Allah (swt) who places the love and mercy between two people.

Remember the ayah that everyone puts on their wedding invitations:

“And of His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them; and He planted love and compassion between you. In this are signs for people who reflect.” Surat Ar-Rum, Verse 21

That love, attraction and even the attention you receive from someone, is not from you. It is from Allah (swt).

When we forget and we think it is all us, we will hyper fixate on “what can I do?” And yes, in general, we should always be bettering ourselves so we could become better Muslims.

But we need to also relinquish this sense of control. I am not fully in control of the outcomes that I want.

Because just like nobody claims to bring out the sun whenever they want it to be a warm day, in the same manner, we need to realize that we don’t have control to be liked by others.

This is a gift from Allah (swt) and one of His miracles. Allahu Akbar!

One may ask, how come some people are quickly loved over others?

Because for some people, Allah (swt) commanded for people to love him/her.

Wow, COMMANDED. That is a strong statement.

Where is the proof of this:

When Allah (swt) loves a person, He commands for others to love them.

That is effortless love being received from multiple places. It is almost a dream come true.

So how do we become of those who are loved by Allah then?

The secret is found in another hadith:

The secret has nothing to do with your bio, your pictures or your career. Being loved is actually directly related to your relationship with Allah (swt). How are you showing up? Are you seeing the world through the lens of Allah (swt) or through what Allah (swt) granted you (i.e. your looks, sense of style, charisma, etc)?

In the general coaching world, coaches focus solely on the person and what is within their control, but they forget to include one extremely important aspect, and it’s something we as Muslims include subconsciously without even thinking about it. And that is the statement of “inshaAllah.”

Nothing happens without Allah (swt) will for it.

And this is the issue with following general coaches who do not include Allah (swt) in the equation. They give the human being so much power and they forget that the Creator of the human being is the one who is always in control.

So, the next time you watch a YouTube video from a general relationship coach, pause and think, what does Islam say about this? Is this in alignment with the teachings of Islam?

If you're looking for help on your marriage journey that goes beyond simply finding a random match, I'm looking to work with 7 brothers and 7 sisters this September who are serious about building strong marriages that uplift the ummah.

Apply to be part of the change that the ummah needs.

Applications close September 9, 2026. Apply today at: sacredsoulmates.co/cohort